As I write this, this is my first day of being unemployed since 2014, where I took two weeks off between teaching and coaching to watch the beginning of the World Cup. (1) I’m in a similar stint now–yesterday was my last day at Teach For America (TFA), and in late April I’ll start work at a  new spot.. I’m excited for the transition, and I’m also grateful for the time off. (2) 

The last few months have been challenging in a different way than I’ve experienced in a while, and I’m going to attempt to write about that here. A few things to start, perhaps in list form:

1. It became clear to me in the late fall/early winter that I was in the wrong job. By that I mean: I wasn’t doing something that I was good at or that I enjoyed or that I wanted to learn more about. Staying much longer in that role would have been a disservice to myself and TFA. (3) 
2. I harbor no animosity toward my former employer–in fact I’m grateful for all of the opportunities over the years. It was just time to move on.
3. I have tools and a lifestyle that made this transition way easier than it likely is for most, (4) and it was still very difficult.

So why was it difficult? I think there are some structural answers and some answers related to our consciousness:

• Structurally, there often has to be secrecy in a job search, because most people are not in a situation where they can share that with their employer. (5) This means you’re performing the labor of deception, which takes both time and an emotional toll. When will you interview? During business hours? How?
• Job searching takes a tremendous amount of time: Resumes, cover letters, updating your linkedin for the first time since 2012…this is an easy way to spend your whole weekend or every weeknight
• Every time you apply for a job, or really even seriously consider applying for a job, you’re imagining a possible future for yourself and your family. Like: what would having this job be like? How would it affect us? What would our day-to-day and long-term futures look like? This is necessary–it’s our best way of imagining that life. This is all great but comes with two complications: (1) It’s really, really difficult to mentally hold more than one of these at once; which can lead to (2) it can be devastating to get rejected from a job which you saw as your future (especially as it may have been the only one you were holding onto).  
• This has been discussed more, better, elsewhere, but a not small part of our identities are wrapped up in work. We perceive our values as humans through our value at work. This is exacerbated by working from home (see also: living at work). A rejection can mean, in our heads, that we have no value. Woof. 

So, you depressed depraved deplorer, what should we do about this? 

Structurally:

• I think we need to create more scenarios where your employer cannot fire you for looking for another job. This could include but is not limited to: unions, self-managed organizations, and probably other structures I haven’t heard of. (6)
• We need better hiring practices. I have a friend looking for jobs right now who described some of the things they’re being asked to do at the very first step, including drafting statements of educational philosophy, and it infuriates me. A few things we could do: (1) keep first screenings as high-information but quick; (2) get rid of cover letters altogether; (3) reduce bias by requiring as little irrelevant personal information as possible

Personally:

• Write down multiple possible futures at a time. This way, as you navigate the process, you can quickly recover from a setback or shift modes as needed. 
• Become aware of how your brain is dealing with the hiring process. When you experience a setback, what happens for you? What thoughts and emotions occur? How does this affect your body? Awareness often takes the power away from the reaction.
• Take care of yourself: sleep, meditation, and self-expression have been key for me.

Footnotes

1. Great decision. Got to watch this and this live. 

2.  First thing to report about time off: I slept until 9AM today. Clearly I was running a bit of a sleep deficit. 

3.  This was also clear to the people around me, including my boss. As in, this was not a secret.

4.  Namely: a loving/supportive wife, little immediate financial pressure, tons of support from friends, plenty of time/flexibility, meditation and consciousness training, etc. 

5.  Probably worth saying, and maybe even worth moving this out of a footnote: your employer in NC has no legal obligation to keep employing you and can let you go at any moment. So sharing something like this becomes an extraordinary act of courage/faith/risk, and despite my peachy situation not something I was willing to do until the end. 

6.  Worth saying again here: it doesn’t matter if the employer has never done this or is not likely to do this. The possibility exists, therefore the employee must be wary of it.