I’m currently closing out a project at work that…well, no other way to say that than it didn’t work. It wasn’t a disaster or a complete failure, but I think the most judicious way to talk about it is that it didn’t achieve its potential. I’m not going to diagnose the why of that here, I think perhaps the more interesting piece of it is my reaction to it not working.

So, why is it so hard to fail publicly, even when you knew at the outset that this was possible?

1. It’s difficult to remember that I was doing the best I could at the time with the knowledge, ability, and motivation that I had.
2. I know, because I do this myself, that some people will see this as a failure of mine, a statement of my (lack of) capability, even when I know that (a) I’m a dynamic human that is learning and growing; and (b) the failure is not just a product of my intellect/effort but also the systems within which I operate
3. Learning from failure (which is kind of the point) is challenging, even when it is a stated outcome. Particularly challenging: (a) this learning can be confronting; you may have to let go of one or more of your priors; (b) it is way easier to blame something (circumstance, other people) than learn; and (c) you probably need to do it with other people in order to access your blind spots
4. My initial reaction is to take the failure as: there is something intrinsic and fixed that is wrong with me. I’ve learned to let this go, and have in this case, but the initial reaction and sadness is still there.
5. I think I’m also discovering some fear I have that this failure will diminish my future credibility—that because I didn’t fully succeed on this experiment, I won’t be allowed to do another.[1]

What have you found that makes it easier for you to fail?

[1] I’m not sure that this fear doesn’t have some amount of truth in it. But I guess I’m okay with that? My responses are probably: (a) maybe I need a better pitch on the experiment, to make it more compelling; or (b) I’ll take my experiments elsewhere if that’s the case in the long run. Still not sure here.